Does Your Attitude Match What You Want to Replicate in Others? (by Steve Yeaton)

Recently, a young minister of a nearby church and I went on a walk to catch up on each other’s lives and ministries. Since we can’t get together at our favorite coffee shop, going on a walk while maintaining the appropriate social distance was the next best thing. I’m glad we did because we both learned a lot about what this strange season is revealing, or exposing, about the true state of our attitudes as Christian ministry leaders. I’d like to say it revealed a lot of good about our attitudes, but as we talked about how we were adjusting, about what we were hoping to accomplish in this crisis, about what we wanted to see happen in our ministries, it became clear that our attitudes are shaped more by our pride and fears than by dependence upon God.

For example, my friend shared that he wants to see his church rise to the occasion, to take a lead role in “fixing” this crisis (neither of us are sure what fixing the crisis looks like, but I get where he’s coming from). He’s frustrated that his church doesn’t share his vision. It’s not that they’re not wanting to do something, but they seem content to tune in online for worship services and Bible studies but that’s about it. He’s also disappointed that he can’t seem to get more men to step up and serve as elders in the church. After hearing his frustration, disappointment, stress, and fears, I asked him (but was also asking myself because I can identify with so much of what he was expressing), “Are you the leader you want to see replicated in those you’re wanting to call into leadership? Do you want them to be plagued by the same kinds of frustrations, disappointment, stress, and fears that plague you?”

My questions came out of some recent reading I’ve been doing in a book by Henri Nouwen called The Way of the Heart: Connecting with God Through Prayer, Wisdom, and Silence. In an early chapter entitled “The Compulsive Minister,” he lays bare an all too prevalent, but often well hidden, attitude in ministers: anger. Nouwen writes, “Anger in particular seems close to a professional vice in the contemporary ministry. Pastors are often angry at their leaders for not leading and at their followers for not following. They are angry at those who do not come to church for not coming and angry at those who do come for coming without enthusiasm. They are angry at their families, who make them feel guilty, and angry at themselves for not being who they want to be. This is not an open, blatant, roaring anger, but an anger hidden behind the smooth word, the smiling face, and the polite handshake. It is a frozen anger, an anger which settles into a biting resentment and slowly paralyzes a generous heart. If there is anything that makes the ministry look grim and dull, it is this dark, insidious anger in the servants of Christ” (Nouwen, 14). When I shared that quote with my friend, he ordered the book immediately. He’s not alone in harboring beneath a veneer of friendliness an attitude of anger. I struggle with it, too.

What’s the answer? It’s not so much an answer, but a remedy. A remedy that requires of us practices that go against the grain of how many of us are conditioned to do ministry. The remedy requires practices of silence, of prayer, of meditation, of being still and knowing that he is God (Psalm 46:10). The more full we are of God, the less full we are of our agenda, our aspirations, our need for affirmation. When we think of attitude, we typically make a beeline to Philippians 2:5-11 where Paul tells us that our attitude “should be the same as that of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 2:5). Of course, it should. And Paul describes in exquisite detail what a Christlike attitude consists of. Where does Jesus learn in his humanity an attitude of contentment in God alone? Thankfully, Scripture reveals where, “But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed” (Luke 5:16). If we would practice more withdrawing then we might find ourselves engaging our ministries with attitudes marked by joy, peace, and contentment. That’s the kind of attitude that inspires others because what they see in you is what they want to see in themselves.

Steve Yeaton